2011년 8월 20일 오전 5:36, 지금의 남편에게 보냈던 메세지.

———- 전달된 메시지 ———-
보낸사람: <sbstrawberrie>
날짜: 2011년 8월 20일 오전 5:36
제목: 웃음
받는사람: hilfi

전화를 끊고 자려고 누워서 이런저런 생각을 정리하는데…선선한 새벽 바람이 들어오고 말이야. 나 최근에 좀 힘들었었다? 내 자신이 아니었었던 것도 같고. 근데 오늘 지선이랑 한강에서 몇 분 동안을 숨 넘어가게 웃었던 건, 정말 오랜만에 진심으로 웃겨서 나온 웃음이었던 것 같아. 탁 트인 강가와 우스꽝스러운 그 사진. 그리고 그에 반응하던 지선이의 모습이 완벽하게 어우러져서 한동안 느낄 수 없었던 들썩이는 내 어깨를 느꼈었던 것 같아. 내가 그 동안 내 슬픔. 내 분노를 이겨내지 못하고 오히려 맞서 싸우려고 얼마나 애를 써왔는지 알게 되었어. 그런 나를 외면하고 방치함으로써 내 자신과 주변 사람들에게 얼마나 가혹했는지도. 최근에 했던 이별도, 부모님과의 갈등도, 다친 다리도, 이젠 더 이상 할머니를 볼 수 없다는 사실도, 내가 받아 들여야 비로소 모두 나의 것이 되고 벗어날 수 있는건데. 근데 아까 지선이랑 실컷 웃으면서 슬픔도 분노도 모두 지금의 나의 일부라고 받아들이는 순간 드디어 자유로워지더라구.

미안한 마음으로 조금씩 노력하고 있어. 이 것 또한 김세영이란 사람을 갈고 닦으며 더 빛이나게 만들겠지. 그리고 이 모든 경험이 내 미소를 더 깊고, 풍부하게 만들어 줄거야. 끔찍한 여름도, 끊임없이 내리던 비도, 내 안에 들끓던 더위도 물러가고, 새로운 계절이 곧 올거라는 희망에 설레기 시작했어. 작지만 내게는 너무도 오랜만에 찾아온 이 행복의 불씨는 아무도 앗아가지 못할거야. 어제보다 오늘. 오늘보다 내일. 앞으로 웃을일이 더 많이 생기고 말이야. 좋은 새벽이다. 다시 시작하고 싶어지는. 다시 희망하고 싶어지는. 다시 믿고 싶어지는 그런 새벽이야. 섬에 봉사하러 간다는 오빠도 지금의 나와 같은 다짐. 같은 생각으로. 이 여름이 끔찍했던 기억으로만 남지 않았으면 좋겠어. 속상한 마음이 남았다면, 잘 다스릴 수 있길. 상처 받는것을 두려워하지 않는 강한 용기가 생기길 바라며. 앞으로 더 행복해질 세영이가 앞으로 더 행복해질 오빠에게 남기는 일기야. 잘 다녀와!

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It’s Time For a Kindness Revolution – Tyler Knott

A much better writer than I could ever hope to be, Zora Neale Hurston once said, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” What of the years that do both? What of the months, the days that do both? We stand today in a world filled with questions, and many people will have many different ways of answering them. Some will stand and sing songs of revenge; some will whisper of revolt, of the absolute refusal to acquiesce. Some will rejoice, and their answers will be filled with pride. My answer to the questions posed, to all of the questions raised and unearthed over the year that has come and will soon pass, is simple. My answer is this: kindness. My answer is love.

In a sense, I, too, will whisper of revolution but not the expected sort. My wonderful, creative, inspiring partner, Sarah Linden, and I have coined a phrase over the many months that led to my book, North Pole Ninjas, actually entering this world of ours, and it is “kindness revolution.” In a world of hashtags and social media hoopla, we have such high hopes that this is one that spreads, and again, for such a simple reason. We need now, more than ever, a revolution of compassion, of grace, of tenderness that is given without regard to how it’s returned with complete regard to giving it, more when it is unearned. We must relearn the toughest lesson that it is then, absolutely then, that it is needed the most. Now, it is needed most.

If this is a questioning year, so many of those questions will undoubtedly come from the perfect mouths and perfect minds of our youth. Children will, filter-free and pure, ask us of divides in the world they wander through. They will ask us of what they see on news channels and they will wonder why. Always why. To this we must speak softly of kindness, of the need to spread it unabashedly and freely. To give, and give, and give some more until there’s nothing left to give, and then to give more after that. We must show them the way forward, the way to offering hands up to those that cannot stand alone, of protecting those we love, those we don’t yet know, those that share our beliefs and most importantly, those that may not. We must teach of charity, of the beautiful pleasure that comes, secretly and silently, when we do things for others for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do. More than teaching, we must show them, and we must show them so often that it becomes a routine they fall in love with, without ever realizing they’ve done so. We are the answers to the questions they will ask, and we must be prepared to be them. We must be prepared to be better.

I wrote something profoundly personal to me this morning, something that was my answer to the questions that have been raised over the months we’ve just come through. I wrote of looking forward, of staring into whatever darkness we may face and bringing our light, our hope into it. Of bringing our kindness, unashamed and true, everywhere we go, and giving it to everyone we meet. We will teach children this. We will show them to cherish their own light, to lend their sparks to ours and create a fire in doing so. We will teach them that sometimes, we must be the light, and chase out the dark.

A kindness revolution is at hand, and we are the orchestrators of it. The time is now to start new routines, new traditions rooted in the perfect soil of compassion, of empathy, of putting others before ourselves and loving every minute along the way. A baton will be passed in the days, the months, the years to come, and it is up to us to make sure that all those waiting for it will be ready to accept it. Start small, start from where you are, with what you have, but start. Kindness, my friends, simple kindness, can go so much further than you’d ever believe.

There are years that ask questions, and thank goodness, there are years that answer. Listen now, as we whisper in a collective breath, of revolt, of revolution. Listen, as we whisper of kindness.

Listen.

– From MariaShriver.com